Dear Teen Me,
This letter will come off as a really odd in many ways. Your first thought might be, "Why the hell does this chick sound British?" Well, it's something that I have grown into, something that you will grow into when you reach twenty. But that doesn't matter right now, I have written this letter and sent it to you to enlighten you. You may not believe me. Maybe you will. That is completely your choice.
So, you're fifteen now, while I'm currently twenty-one. Wow, that's far away. You would actually be surprised how fast time has gone by. It's slow to you now because you're still young. You haven't even lived a quarter of your life yet. Believe me, time will go by fast if you don't pay attention.
Around this time, you went through a terrible break up with the boy you currently think is the one for you while you're dating some guy you met on the internet. Yeah, you think he'll make the pain go away. He won't and I will tell you that your relationship with internet boy isn't going to last long, no matter how many times you tell yourself it will work. I know you're scared of being alone and I know you think the universe is out to get you by keeping you away from finding your true love. This is when I use the cliché line, "It will get better."
You only used the internet guy, your "fiancé" as a means of escape to fill in the gapping hole your first love left behind. I remember telling myself before getting boyfriends that I would never use a guy like those mean girls in those awful cliché high school movies did, and yet you're doing the exact thing you told yourself you would never do. That most likely will snap you out of your depression, knowing you hate being a California girl cliché.
Trust me, it does get better. In fact, life just opens up and brightens up for the first time once you let go of your first love and break up with your army boy "fiancé." Don't be afraid of the future ahead of you. Your first concern will be, will I ever find "The One." Believe me . . . you will. A lot sooner than you think.
I won't tell you who it is and when you'll become a couple. My only hint is that you have met him before.
Now, we go to your newfound career dream. Yes, your dream to become a novelist still holds strong and your genre has changed only a little bit. The only major difference is that you will be using more than just depression to create your stories. You can't create a story with only sorrow as a theme. Yes, that is the life you are currently feeling, but that is not the life that everyone feels. As a novelist, you must take into account of how your readers feel in order to appeal to them emotionally. Right now, you only know what pain is. The other human emotions will come to you within a couple years, you just have to hold on and wait patiently for those to come and use those emotions as your advantage to write a good story.
And sadly, no, you do not become a novelist in college. I still have a long way to go to get a book on the shelves. You might think it's so easy, but it's not. You're too young to realize that or accept that. But, a dream is a dream. It still glows brightly, but the goal is still out of reach as of now.
Someday, you will become an active writer for a bunch of writers' sites and you will gain close friends and "co-workers" that love you for you. Your writing and your strange personality will be enough to attract them. It will take a while for you to let them in and allow them to know more about you, but you will feel so much better once you do.
Sadness, sadness, go away. You will never hold us down any longer. Ignore the fact that doesn't rhyme, but you get the idea.
Now, you, as a person, have a lot of growing up to do. Right now, you see yourself as an emo girl or a goth girl. And as your twenty-one year old self, I'm going to tell you that you're not either of those. You think you are because your friends are depressed and disturbed. You actually just wear the kind of clothes they do because it's something they influenced. Eventually, you grow out of the dark colored clothing phase and, unfortunately in your view, start wearing bright colors and dresses. I know, you can hate me now for being a stereotypical girl.
But I can tell you, I like the way I am currently. And you will too when you start growing up a little more. You're a strong girl. You're a happy and strong girl who lost her path because of some boy. You don't need him to tell you that you are beautiful or any complimentary to make you feel special. You have mom, dad, and your sister who are worried about you. They're scared that you'll hurt yourself more than you already are. You'll think I'm lying, I'm really not and you don't want to believe that people love you outside of your romantic life.
You underestimate yourself too much. Looking back, I am amazed at how well you will do. You just have to hold on a little bit more. High school is just a baby step closer to real life. Try to be a little more confident in your own skin, that's my advice. And to make you listen to me more again, since you're probably spacing out, confidence and affection will catch your true love's attention.
I see I got your attention again.
Honestly, love yourself more.
And smile more.
Time will be your best friend. Don't let it slip by you. Before you know it, high school will be over and you'll be secretly missing it. At least your last year of high school you'll be missing it. I won't tell you what happens then, you just have to sit back and wait for it to happen.
Your Twenty-one year old self.